dug his hands in his pocket, the last thing he needed on his mind at the moment was his girlfriend’s name, he was sick of her, all the whining and the petty fights. He wanted someone else in his life, someone who understood him, someone he could have fun with. He wanted .

“Job out of town” he replied kneeling down next to her. watched his movements, pushing herself up on her elbows she moved her face closer to his, wanting to feel his lips upon hers, his soft, luscious lips, even if it was just once.

“” she whispered inching closer to him, the drink having relaxed her, giving her the confidence she needed and then she did it, placed her lips upon his, kissing him tenderly.

Feeling her lips brush his, caused his body to freeze, was she really kissing him? After all these years were their lips finally meeting? He returned her kiss, as shots of electricity ran through his body. Slipping his arm around her waist he brushed his tongue along her lips, begging for access. Feeling them part he slid his tongue in colliding with hers as the kiss grew deeper and hungrier.

Pulling away from the kiss, gasping for breath looked into her eyes, seeing a glint of hope and he was pretty sure love reflecting in them.

“I’m sorry” whispered . “I shouldn’t have done that” she blushed looking away from him.

“I’ll just go.”

“No” said stopping her. “Stay tonight…with me.”

Her head told her no, but her heart was screaming yes. She needed him more than she could imagine, wanted him. Seeing her nod leaned in brushing his lips against hers once more.

Lifting her from the floor, he continued to kiss her, carrying her to his bedroom, never breaking their kiss. Tonight was going to be special…for both of them.

Placing her on the floor, he admired her. Pulling her close, he placed his hands on her hips.

“You’re so beautiful” he whispered before placing his lips upon hers again, kissing her softly. Her arms moved around his neck, fingers running through his blond locks, enjoying the feeling of his full, soft lips.

moved his kisses to her neck, his hand sliding to the back of her dress, he carefully unzipped it, watching it fall to the ground, pooling at her feet leaving her stood before him in her bra and panties.

He took a deep breath, trying to control himself as his pants grew tighter. He watched a deep blush creep across her face as she tried to cover herself with her hands.

“No, don’t hide…you’re too beautiful” his husky voice assured taking her hands as he pulled her to him.

“Do you trust me?” he whispered in her ear, his breath warm as it brushed her skin.

nodded her head yes feeling his lips upon hers again, his hands moved up her arms and along her shoulders, coming to rest at the back of her neck, his thumbs gently stroking.

He trailed kisses to her jaw line and then down her neck, she moved her head to the side, allowing him better access, her body was on fire already.

Feeling confident, she slid her hands beneath his shirt, pulling the thin cotton fabric higher up his back, fingers brushing lightly along his warm, soft skin. pulled away from their kiss, his hands above his head, allowing her to pull his shirt off him, before he pulled her to him once more, kissing her with hunger as he guided her towards the bed.

laid her upon the bed, placing his body upon hers, kissing is way down her chest, massaging her breasts. He felt his need to be with her growing, he was so close to experiencing the ultimate high with her, it excited him even more, knowing he would be her first made it even more special. He quickly unclasped her bra, sending the material flying across the room as he slid his hands along her body, slipping her panties off as well. Quickly slipping out of his jeans, he lay between her legs, kissing softly around her belly button.

opened her eyes, watching him. She felt a warm, yet scary feeling in her stomach, she was about to experience her first time…with her best friend… the man she had always dreamed it to be with.

She gasped feeling his hardness poking her womanhood.

“It’s ok” he assured kissing her. “I won’t hurt you…I promise.” He whispered in her ear.

“Relax and trust me.”
nodded her head, wrapping her arms around his back.

Kian slowly entered her, being as gentle as possible, pushing slowly in as far as he could. Feeling her surrounding him, he stilled allowing her to adjust to him and relax, he was going to take things slow, make sure she enjoyed the experience.

Leaning towards her he placed his lips on hers kissing her softly as he waited for her body to adjust to him. Looking into her eyes, he lay himself upon her body as he began to rock back and forth, slowly sliding in and out of her.

felt the warm, scary feeling building in her stomach, growing strong with each movement made. Was it really meant to feel like this? It was an amazing feeling, giving herself to him, he was an experienced lover who knew a woman’s body, she knew it was the right choice, even if the alcohol had helped make it, she would never regret this moment. Watching his face she noticed his eyes were closed, gently she placed her hand on his cheek, feeling his mouth turn to kiss her palm softly.
closed his eyes as he made love to her, enjoying the feeling of being with her. He had craved this moment for so long, but had to hold back his urges, she was his best friend, but so much more at the same time, she was his other half, the one person that truly complimented and completed him, the world seemed right when they were together.

Deep in his heart he held a secret, strong love for her, one that hurt and caused his heart to ache most days, especially when he saw her with another man who treated her poorly. He had given her his heart so long ago, it was in the palm of her hand, she just hadn’t realized it yet. Feeling her soft hand brush his cheek, he turned towards it, placing soft kisses upon it.
Hearing a moan escape her, he opened his eyes locking his with hers, making sure she was comfortable. began to moan louder, her breathing ragged, chest heaving with each thrusts causing to move faster, pushing her higher and higher with each movement, pushing himself closer to climax.
“…I” she whispered but lost the words as her body began to experience things she’d never felt before.
watched as she soared to her orgasm, thrusting once more he joined her, soaring through his high with a woman he so dearly loved.

Collapsing on her body, breathing heavily he nuzzled his face into her neck.

“I love you” he whispered so softly that she couldn’t hear it over their heavy breathing.

Pulling her into his arms, he held her close, gently stroking her back. Once she had regained her breathing, looked up at him.

“You’re different from all the others” she spoke her hand running gently along his chest, his light chest hair brushing against her palm.

“How?” he asked wanting to know what she saw in him that was different from the guys she had dated.

“You care” she replied.

“You’re sweet, genuine, you listen and respect me. You understand my feelings.” She revealed. “And you’re romantic.”

“It just comes natural” he said kissing the top of her head. “But it’s easy with you.”

Feeling tired from the events of the night, her eyes growing heavy, she finally gave in and closed them, snuggling into the warm body next to her, feeling safe and for once like she belonged somewhere.

“I love you ” she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep.
watched her sleeping in his arms, it felt too right to have her there, she fit too perfectly. I love you, those words rang through his mind, she’d said it twice to him that night, he looked down at her and smiled, he loved her too, he just needed to tell her, but when? Tomorrow morning? Tomorrow morning! What would that day bring? Would she regret the night once the drink had cleared her system and her head was clear once again? Would she accuse him of taking advantage of her in a moment of weakness for her? Could their friendship be ruined? Shaking his head he decided to live in the moment, enjoying her with him, and not worry about the next day.

**************

Chapter 3

awoke the next morning, feeling a warm body next to hers with an arm draped across her waist. Looking around the room she remembered where she was, the events of the previous night flooding through her mind. Her night had started off horrible, her boyfriend had broke up with her for shallow reasons, causing her to drink to dull the pain, but then had showed up, rescuing her like he always did, only this time it ended with them sharing something so special, a night together loving each other. Smiling she turned to face him, seeing him sleeping contently. His blond hair ruffled and messy from running her hands through it. He looked so adorable and sexy, his strong, broad shoulders begging to be kissed, his bare chest rising and falling in time with his breathing, his strong arms that had held her so close, his manly hands that had touched her so gently, those warm soft kissable lips that set pulses of electricity running though her body.

Sighing a content sigh she thought about their night again, the love making had been better than she thought it could be. It felt too right and amazing. He was a gentle and selfless lover. She didn’t regret it, she was happy it had been with him. Moving closer to him she brushed her lips against his, waking him with a soft kiss. stirred and kissed her back. “” he whispered.

sat back alarmed by his words. How could he not remember that it was her in his bed with him? Did he imagine he was with her as they made love? Did he just need someone last night and she was it? Had she wasted it all for his pleasure?

“Er…no” she muttered fighting back her tears as she slipped out of bed.

“Oh shit!” cursed as his eyes flew open. “Babe wait!” he called watching as she gathered her clothes running for the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. He jumped out of bed pulling on his boxes, running his fingers frantically through his hair as he tried to find the words to make everything right, hearing her sobs filtering from behind the bathroom door, he knew he was in for a hard battle.

With tears running down her cheeks, she emerged from the bathroom. approached her reaching for her hands only to watch her step away. “ listen to me” he pleaded.

“No, I understand . I was just a one off, someone to fill the void while she was gone. You obviously love her.” She said as she walked towards the door, sniffing away her tears.

“No that’s not what I wanted to say” he pleaded before she interrupted him again.

“For the record I don’t regret last night, I’m glad it was you who helped me experience my first time, I wanted it to be you all along. I love you , I really do, but obviously you don’t feel the same way.” She said through her tears. Turning she left the room, running down the stairs leaving broken. Grabbing her things she rushed out of the house, flagging a taxi she told the driver her address, staring out the window as she cried silent tears.

sat back on the bed, his head in his hands, beating himself up emotionally. “Why didn’t you just tell her !” he shouted “You ruined everything!” Flopping onto his back he stared at the ceiling. “Now I’ll never have her” he muttered. “Friendship is ruined because you were too foolish to tell her you love her. You idiot.”

Feeling the taxi come to a stop paid the driver before stepping out, she slowly made her way to the apartment door, feeling worse about herself than the night before. Digging for her keys in her purse she let out a frustrated cry as she struggled to find them, spilling the contents of her purse before the door.

Kneeling down she frantically grabbed her lipstick, compact, phone and wallet, stuffing them back in her purse, her tears falling harder as she sobbed uncontrollably. “Why?” she asked herself.

Sniffing her tears away she placed the key in the lock, quickly turning it, she crawled through the door tossing her purse aside as she closed it, leaning back against the door she curled her knees to her chin, crying uncontrollably, the only comfort she now had.

“You stupid, silly girl” she scolded herself as she banged her head against the door. “How could you ever think he’d love you? You’re nothing like the girls he dates.”

Closing her eyes she knew she couldn’t face him again, their friendship was over. “What do I do now?” she thought. In a situation like this she’d call , but the matter this time was, that was the problem. Who was there now?

“” she said as she grabbed her phone, she needed to talk and confide in someone, at least knew her true feelings about , she could trust her. Scrolling to the number she pressed the call button, listening to the ring.

“Hello” came the reply on the other end of the phone.

“” whispered , fighting back her tears.

“ what happened?” she asked concerned, she could hear the shakiness in her friend’s voice. “Did Josh do something?”

“That’s part of it” muttered. “Can you come over?”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes babe.” Putting the phone back on the receiver took a deep breath, she didn’t like the feeling that was giving off, she knew something big had happened.

paced his bedroom, how could he have spoken ’s name, when the lips that had woke him that morning were those of the one girl he truly loved? How could he have forgotten for one single second that he had shared a night of passion with the girl that he had yearned to make love to for so long? Letting out a frustrated scream he looked at himself in the mirror.

“You’re a bloody fool” he told himself running his fingers through his hair. “How am I going to make this right?” he asked himself.

let herself into the apartment, hearing the silent sobs of her friend. She followed the sounds, finding curled up on the couch, the dress she had worn the night before still on. sat beside her gently stroking her hair. “What happened?” she asked cautiously.

“I slept with him!” she sobbed.

“With Josh!” gasped , she couldn’t understand, they’d only been dating for a few months.

“No…” whispered .

“Oh goodness” sighed . “Tell me what happened honey.”

took a deep breath explaining how Josh had dumped her at the bar the previous night, how she’d drank to dull the pain, how had showed up with the lads, she explained how she broke down in his arms, telling him everything like she always did and how finally she had given herself fully to him only to hear him call her by his girlfriend’s name as she woke him that morning.

“I love him , so much it hurts!”

“I know you do” soothed , her fingers still running through her hair. “What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know…I can’t face him though.” She confessed. “Not after knowing where his heart truly lies.”
“You’ll have to face him at some point, he’s your best friend and you know he’ll show up eventually.”
“Then I’ll go away…start a new life some place else.”
“You really sure about that?” asked not liking the idea. “Sounds to me you’ll just be running away.”
“Maybe that’s what’s best for now” sighed .

heard the front door open, immediately he ran down the hall hoping that had come back. As he stood at the top of the steps his heart sank seeing standing there with her bags. “” she said looking towards the steps, having heard the footsteps approaching. “What’s wrong, why do you look so disappointed.”

“What are you doing home so early?” he asked changing the subject.

“I missed you” she said placing her bags by the door, walking towards the steps.

“Why are you not happy to see me?” she asked.

“I just wasn’t expecting you” he said. “I thought it was one of the lads” he lied as he walked back down the hall.

“Where are you going?” she asked confused following him down the hall.

“I need to shower, I’ve got to meet for lunch.” He shouted from the bedroom, grabbing his clothes he shut himself in the bathroom, not wanting her to be anywhere near him, he could still feel ’s touch burning his skin, could still smell her. Starting the shower, he stripped out of his clothes, stepping under the warm water he let out a sigh, not knowing what to do.

sat on the bed waiting for to finish. She wondered why he was acting so jittery and up tight. Had something happened while she was gone? Hearing the door open she turned to look at him.

“Is everything ok?” she asked.
“Things are fine” he said placing a quick kiss on her cheek. “I’ll see ye later” he said grabbing his phone, keys and wallet.
“ wait!” she shouted following him down the hall. “I’ll come with you.”

“No!” shouted a bit too quickly. “Er…I mean, it’s guy stuff, needs to chat.” He lied.

“But ” she began to whine causing him to cringe. “I just got back and want to see you.”

“Later” he smiled.

“Fine!” shouted stomping away down the hall. “I see who’s more important!” she shouted “That stupid band and your mates!”

Shaking his head quickly exited the house. He couldn’t handle her right now, his mind was full of other more important problems, like how to make things right with .

***************

Chapter 4


heard the frantic banging on the door, looking at the time he wondered who it could be. Placing his drink on the counter he called out. “Hold ye horses I’m coming.”

Swinging the door open he was surprised to see standing before him a look of confusion on his face, his eyes pleading for help. “Come on in .” he said stepping aside. “I’ll get you a drink, you look like you need one.” followed to the kitchen, placing himself on one of the stools at the counter. poured him a cup of tea, placing the mug before his friend he sat down across from him. “I take it this has something to do with .” could only nod his head. “What happened this time?” asked .

didn’t answer just looked down at his drink, wrapping his hands around the mug. “I slept with her” he whispered. “In fact I made love to her, like I never have to anyone else.”

“About time” smirked , having watched the sexual tension between the couple build day by day. “How was it?”

“Out of this world” replied . “I’ve never connected with a woman on that level ever before in my life. It was amazing .”

“So why are you here telling me this? Why aren’t you still in bed with her?”

“I blew it” sighed . “This morning I ruined a perfect night with one little word.”

sat silent, waiting for to continue his story. “She woke me with a kiss, a sweet, soft kiss and I…I called her….” He cringed as he remembered the events of the morning.

shook his head in disbelief. “, how could you call the woman you’ve loved for so long, yearned to have in your arms by the name of your girlfriend?”

“I don’t know” he sighed hanging his head. “But it gets worse.”

’s eyes grew wide with curiosity, was there really more to this story? How bad could things have gotten in twelve hours? Giving his friend an encouraging nod, he listened as explained the conversation shared with her as she left and how had returned home early.

“What do you feel when you’re with ?” asked .

looked up at him questioningly, wondg what this had to do with his problem.

“Just answer the question” said recognizing the look on ’s face.

“Comfort.” He replied.

“That’s it, that’s all you feel with ?”

“The relationship has lost the spark it once had. All we do is fight over petty little things. I hate it . I don’t feel anything when I’m with her or near her, no emotions whatsoever, no burning desire. I honestly can’t wait to leave the house most days.”

nodded satisfied with the answer, he’d seen the strain on their relationship and how it had affected recently. “And , what do you feel when with her?”

A smile spread across his lips instantly as his eyes began to twinkle with delight and excitement. “Every time I set eyes on her my heart skips a beat, my hands get all sweaty, my stomach turns to knots. I feel excitement run though my body as soon as she steps in the room or when she’s close to me. The slightest, most innocent touch sets my body on fire.”
nodded in delight a grin upon his face. “Sounds like love to me.” He proclaimed.
“So do you love ?” asked .

“Yes” replied , not having to think about it, that was one question he’d never have to think about no matter how many times it was asked of him.

“Do you love ?”

sat silent, thinking. “No, not in the way that I love .”

“Then why didn’t you go after her you idiot! Why did you let her run away from you?”

“I don’t know what to say to her, how to make things better!” He defended. “I need help , I’m totally lost here.” He pleaded.

sat at the kitchen table, watching as prepared her something to eat. She felt like such a fool. “It’s all ruined isn’t it” said her eyes cast down to her hands.

“No, it’s not” soothed placing a plate before her. “I think you both just need time to realize what happened. You shared your feelings with each other in different ways.”

Taking a bite of her toast looked up at her friend. “Thanks” she whispered.

“You’re welcome honey, now you want to talk about it?”

“All I can say was it felt amazing.” She shivered remembering the night. “He was so sweet and gentle, everything felt right.”
noticed the tears filling her eyes again, she placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, knowing there was nothing else she could do for her.

“I think you need to take a relaxing bath and get some sleep, then maybe your head will be clearer and you can talk to .”
“I can’t talk to him” she whispered. “He doesn’t love me…I was just someone that was there and vulnerable.”

“Do you honestly think would take advantage of you in that way?” scolded having seen the looks gave her so many times over the years. “Honestly both of you are so blind! You can’t see how the other one feels about you. He loves you and you love him. End of story now grow up and go talk to him.”

Grabbing her things left the apartment, she hated having to be harsh on her friend, but this was one of those cases where she couldn’t remedy the problem. and had to do this on their own.

The two guys sat silent sipping on their drinks, trying to formulate a plan to help his friend as replayed the events over and over again in his head. cleared his throat as he looked at his heartbroken friend. “Give her some time and space, she always comes back to you.” He assured. “She’s just as confused as you are if not more, especially after she told you she loved you and gave you something so special and you couldn’t even say it back let alone call her by her name.” he scolded.

“Hey…” defended before interrupted him.

“No listen to me . You need to make a decision, it’s or .”

“It’s !” shouted getting defensive.

“Then do something about it ! Shouted . “Or you’re going to lose the best thing in your life and your best friend.”

Venturing to her room felt her heart lurch at the memories of the night before. She was dying inside. Collapsing on the bed she let her tears fall once again. The words had spoken running around her mind Do you honestly think would take advantage of you?

Shaking her head she knew better, he had been nothing but good to her over the years, he knew her feelings about wanting her first time to be special. He was the only man who seemed to understand that, all her boyfriends had broken up with her when she consistently refused to give in to them. But she also knew now that he didn’t feel for her the way she did for him, even if claimed he loved her, she needed to hear it from him and knew that it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. “I need to get away” she told herself.

left ’s heading off to clear his mind. He walked through the park, watching all the happy couples holding hands and laughing, he saw an elderly couple sitting on a bench enjoying the afternoon sun, looking as in love as a couple of teenagers. He knew he wanted that, he wanted to grow old with someone and love them as much then as he did in the beginning. He knew he had to sort things out on his own, this was his own mess, but at the same time it was a good mess. Sighing he dug his hands into his pocket, making the journey back to the car, preparing himself for a right out rumble with .

After a relaxing bath and change of clothes, sat herself at her desk searching the airlines for a ticket out of Sligo. She scanned the possibilities, there were so many places she could go, but where did she want to go? Exotic… familiar… cold… warm… new… old… unknown…?

“Familiar” she told herself as she typed the name of a place big enough that he wouldn’t find her or stumble upon her, yet familiar enough that she wouldn’t feel a stranger in a new world.


***********

Chapter 5

parked his car in the drive, looking up at the house he took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. He wasn’t prepared to face , he had no patience for her questioning that he knew would start as soon as he walked through the door. There was no desire to be in the same room with her, but most of all their relationship had nothing to it. The beginning had been fun, they had gotten on well, but the more she became a part of his life the more they had fought. She didn’t understand his commitments to the band, the record company and the fans. Their relationship wasn’t based on love for the other any more, at least not for him, it was one of comfort. had helped him realize that today. was his comfort level, the fighting was a comfort mechanism. He wasn’t happy with her, he put on a face that said he was, but his heart told him otherwise. Taking another deep breath he opened the car door, slowly he walked towards the front door, playing with the keys in his hand.

pulled her suitcases from the closet, packing them with all the things she needed most and her closest, most precious belongings. Coming across a picture of her and , she smiled fondly at it, remembering the night like it was yesterday. It was one of his first red carpet appearances, he had asked her to accompany him as a friend, even going so far as to buy her a new dress for the event. She ran her fingers along his face, the tears falling, he was stunning in his black tux, white shirt and black tie, his arm wrapped around her waist like a true couple, she had felt like a princess that night in the gorgeous baby , spaghetti strap, satin dress he’d bought her. She felt on top of the world that night, everything had been so perfect and even then she had known they were supposed to be together. Wiping her tears away she placed the picture frame in her suitcase, no matter how much she was hurting right now, she needed that picture to get her through everything, to help her remember the good times they had shared.

opened the door, the sounds of the telly filtg to the hall. Closing the door he placed his keys on the table, digging his hands into his pockets. “About time you showed up.” He heard her say, walking towards him from the kitchen. “Just where did you run off to?” she asked hands on her hips, an angry look on her face.

“It doesn’t concern you where I’ve been today, you’re not my keeper.”

“I’m your girlfriend though!” she shouted. “And I want answers!”

“Look I don’t report to you and you don’t need to know everything that happens in my life!” he shouted. Turning he stormed up the stairs to their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Something’s going on” mused tapping her finger on her chin “And I will find out” she smirked to herself.

looked to the bed, the events of the previous night flooding back to him, he felt the butterflies creeping up from the pit of his stomach, it had been the most amazing night he had ever spent with a woman. “I need to fix this” he told himself.

Walking to the bathroom he stripped his clothes off, stepping into the shower he let the water trickle down his chest and back, he could still feel her hands roaming his body, her legs wrapped tightly around him as they made love. His heart ached, he’d hurt her… unintentionally. Hadn’t what they shared proved what he felt for her? “Tomorrow…tomorrow I talk to her.”

Once done packing sat down at her desk, writing a note explaining everything to and , knowing they’d eventually come round looking for her and worry when they didn’t find any sign and couldn’t get in touch. She took her time, making sure she didn’t give too much information away, but also let them know she would be fine and get in touch when she was ready. As she wrote the letter to she had to fight back her tears as she poured her heart out to him once more, hoping this time he wouldn’t tear it out leaving it bleeding, but that it would heal.

slipped into bed next to , wrapping her arm around his waist she kissed his cheek. rolled to his side, turning his back to her. “I’m not in the mood” he stated brushing her arm away from him, he wanted to remember ’s touch, not that of the woman he called his girlfriend.

“Fine” snapped grabbing her pillow, pulling the blankets down the bed. “You can sleep alone then” she spat as she stomped out of the room dragging one of the blankets behind her.

“Gladly” sighed pulling the blankets back up around him, hoping sleep would come to him soon, bringing the new day that would start a new chapter in his life.

tossed and turned all night, nerves keeping her awake as she thought about what she was about to do in just a matter of hours. When the clock finally read 5am she crawled out of bed, gathg her remaining things she called for a taxi, carrying her bags to the door she waited for her ride. Looking around her apartment she checked that things were turned off and it was being left in a respectable state. She placed the letters on the table, in plain sight knowing they would be found at some point. Hearing the honk of the car horn, she took one last look around the apartment, picking up her bags she stepped outside, locking the door one final time as she headed off to start the next chapter of her life.

Standing at the boarding gate, felt the nerves appearing again. “I have to do this” she told herself. “It’s time to move on with my life, I can’t hold out for him, when he doesn’t feel the same way.”

All flights to London now boarding.

Hearing her flight called she stepped forward, offering her ticket to the stewardess. “Have a nice flight” smiled the young lady handing back her ticket. “Thank you” smiled . Taking a deep breath she took a step forward, the first step to a new life, the rest of her life.

***************

Chapter 6

awoke with a jump as he heard the running water from the shower. Rubbing his eyes he yawned and stretched. Glancing at the clock he saw that it read 8am. Kicking the covers off he crawled from the bed, quickly dressing wanting to be out of the house before could question him on where he was going or what he was doing. Slipping his shoes on he trotted out of the room, stopping to grab his keys from the table where he had placed them the night before. Opening the door he slipped outside unheard and unseen by . “Time to make things right” he told himself slipping into the driver’s seat off to ’s.

stopped by ’s figuring she had given her enough time to think about everything, hoping that she had come to a decision about talking to . Knocking on the door she waited for it to open, getting no response she knocked again, louder this time.

“!” she shouted. “Honey open the door it’s .”

Still getting no response she pulled her phone from her purse, dialing her friend’s home number. Listening to it ring she glanced around the outside of the building, finding her friend’s car still parked on the street, she could hear the phone ringing inside. Panic began to sink in. Ending the call she dialed ’s mobile number.

“Voicemail” she sighed. “ where are you” she asked aloud as a feeling of uneasiness crept into her stomach.

She began banging harder on the door, both fists clenched firmly as she shouted ’s name, her mind running the worst case scenarios. Hearing a car door slamming shut looked towards the street seeing ’s black BMW parked and him walking towards her.

As approached ’s apartment door he noticed a figure standing outside the door, practically banging it down. “ what are you doing here?” he asked recognizing the familiar face.

“I came to check on , what are you doing here?” she asked growing nervous that there still was no response from inside.

“I need to talk to her about something” he sighed digging his hands into his jeans pockets, searching for his keys.

“Don’t play innocent with me” snapped . “I’m her best friend as well and I know what happened between you two the other night. How can you be so blind?”

didn’t answer, instead he produced a key, sliding it into the lock he turned it, hearing the click, turning the handle, he pushed the door open. stepped in first, followed by , finding the place quiet and looking like it normally would if was home, everything in its rightful place.

“I’ll check the bedroom” said moving towards the hall. nodded walking towards the kitchen.

Reaching the bedroom found the bed made, everything looking perfect like always, except her phone lay beside the bed. “Strange” mused picking the phone up, finding it turned off. “ her phone’s off” he said joining her in the kitchen. Hearing quiet sobs, he turned towards her. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“She’s left” whispered . “It’s all here in the note, she left one for you” she said handing him the envelope, his name written neatly across the front. With shaking hands he took the envelope from , moving to the living room to be alone he sank down on the couch. His eyes scanned his name, running his fingers along the writing before turning the envelope over, sliding his finger beneath the flap he ripped the paper open, pulling out the note, carefully unfolded it, silently reading her words.

My dearest ,

If you’re reading this letter it means you’ve come looking for me. I’m sorry it had to be this way but I can’t go on living my life the way I have. It’s time I moved on and learned to live without you, no matter how hard that may be. I understand now that you don’t feel for me what I feel for you, but do know that our night together was the best night of my life, it’s something that I will never forget or regret for that matter. The only thing I regret is not telling you sooner how I felt. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.

All my love.

xoxo

The tears welled in his eyes as he read over her words again, a single tear sliding down his cheek landing on the sheet of paper. “But I do love you” he whispered.

“You ok?” asked sitting down beside him.

quickly folded the letter, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand, embarrassed that she had seen him crying.

“Sorry” he blushed.

“Don’t be” placed a gentle hand on his knee. “She’ll be back she always comes back to you.”

let out a nervous laugh. “That’s what said.”

“It’s true though” assured . “Right now she feels used. She feels as though she was filling a void that night, that it didn’t mean anything to you. Just give her time .”

“But it did mean something” pleaded . “How did this happen?” he asked, cradling his head in his hands. “What happened?”

“You fell in love with your best friend; you just failed to realize that your actions didn’t speak loud enough, but that it was your words she needed to hear.”

Stepping outside Heathrow Airport, took a deep breath, the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, it was bound to be a beautiful day. Seeing the line of taxi’s waiting she moved towards one, pulling two suitcases behind her along with her carry on hanging off her shoulder. “Need some help miss?” asked one of the drivers as she approached him.

“Please” she smiled offering him one of her cases. She watched as he loaded them into the car.

“Where to miss?” he asked as he slid into the driver’s seat.

Panic set in and she remembered how unplanned and sudden all this had been, she didn’t even have a place to live! “Erm…” she blushed trying to think.

“New here?” asked the driver. nodded.

“Yeah, it was a sudden change I don’t really know where to go to be honest.”

The driver gave her a warm smile. “I know a nice place.” he assured putting the car into gear.

watched the sights of London pass by, thinking to herself that she was happy to be in a place where the culture wasn’t totally different. The city was big meaning she would blend with the people, able to go about her daily life. Feeling the car come to a halt she looked up at the small house, a small sign at the end of the path read Home Sweet Home bed and breakfast.

A small smile crept across her face, the place looked homey and welcoming from the first glance. “This should suit you until you can find a proper place to live” offered the driver helping her with her bags.

nodded, thanking the driver, leaving him a nice tip before she entered the house. Stepping inside she was greeted by the smell of fresh baked bread, looking to the side she saw a cozy sun room perfect for curling up in with a good book and cup of tea, to the other side was a small study filled with shelves of books waiting to be read and before her a wood stair case leading to the top level.

“Can I help you?” asked an friendly older woman, glasses and long silver hair, placed in a bun on top of her head, an apron around her waist.

“I’m looking for a place to stay while I get on my feet” blushed .

The older woman smiled warmly at her. “Be glad to have you, I’m by the way”

“” she said offering her hand.

“Come with me” smiled leading her up the stairs, she could tell this young woman was in need of something, she saw the sadness in her eyes. “This will be your room.” watched as she pushed open a wood door, revealing a small room containing a bed in the middle of the room, a dresser on one wall and a chair in the corner. “This room also has a small bathroom” said showing into the room.

“Thank you” said placing one of her bags on the bed.

“Three meals a day are offered and payment is due at the beginning of the week.” nodded in understanding, watching as left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Sitting herself down on the bed, she lay back her eyes cast at the ceiling. She felt her heart ache at the thought of being alone, having to start over. Tears trickled down her cheek, she knew there was no one to run to anymore when things were hard, she’d have to do this on her own, stand on her own two feet and be strong.

“Tomorrow I start my new life…tomorrow I go looking for a job and a place to live.” Closing her eyes she drifted off to sleep.

***************

Chapter 7

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and now three months later was working as a receptionist, she’d found a small place of her own, it wasn’t the greatest place but it was hers. She sat eating lunch with a few girls from the office she had become friendly with, but they were more concerned about office gossip than anything else. She knew she couldn’t trust them or open up to them. let out a sigh as she thought back to that night; it played on her mind every free minute. She felt her stomach churn and that familiar feeling came creeping up.

“You ok?” asked

“Fine” muttered taking a deep breath.

“You don’t look it” said . “You look a bit pale.”

“Probably just a bug” sighed . “I’ll see you back at the office” she said excusing herself.

made the short walk back to the office building, the feeling of being sick growing stronger in her stomach, a feeling that she’d had for a few weeks now and it wasn’t getting better. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked herself.

She thought back to the last few weeks, her body ached, she was tired, easily worn out from a desk job and for the past few days had become quick friends with the toilet. Picking up her pace she ran through the office lobby, finding the nearest bathroom crouching down in the stall as she was once again sick.

had become withdrawn; his mood had changed ever since had left, he wasn’t the happy, carefree man anymore. He and fought more than before, it had gotten to the point where didn’t even want to return home and was now sleeping in a separate room. sat on the couch, playing with his phone in his hand, hoping she’d call him where ever she was. The lads sat across the room, each watching from the corner of their eye.

“We’ve got to get him out of this rut” whispered .

“Good luck with that” sighed .

“What’s going on ?” asked looking for answers.

“It’s not my place” said .

“It has something to do with doesn’t it?” asked . “He’s changed since she left without a trace as to where she was going.”

“You could say that” nodded looking over to , seeing how much he had changed. He wasn’t sleeping properly, he was tired and depressed, didn’t care much about his appearance, only cleaned up for band related events. “He’s lost without her.”

“Maybe we should talk to him” suggested .

“It’s worth a try” nodded . “” he called turning to his friend.

looked up hearing his name called. “Yeah?” he asked looking at his friends.

“What’s going on ?” asked . “You’re so quiet and moody lately.”

“It’s nothing” he mumbled looking down at his hands.

“Not true” said seeing the look of disappointment and sadness on his face. “Tell us, maybe we can help you.”

“The only thing you can do is turn back time and stop me from being the idiot I am.”

“A bit hard on yourself mate” said .

“He’s got a valid point though” chimed in . “He did make a right fool of himself. you might as well tell them.”

let out a sigh as he looked up at his friends, maybe was right, maybe he’d feel better if he told them what had happened. “I slept with .”

“Finally” smiled interrupting him.

“You and ?” asked shocked.

“Yeah we finally shared that special moment together and I ruined it by calling her when she woke me the next morning and now she’s gone” he sighed. “And all I’m left with is a note, the memories of my best friend and a broken heart.”

The lads sat silent all thinking of how to help with his dilemma, all they knew was they had to find .

“ I think you need to decide who you want” said . “Is it or ?”

“” said “It’s her every time I ask myself that question.”

“Then why are you still with ?” asked .

“Look , we’ll help you look for her” said . “But you’ve got to end things with .”

“I know” sighed . “I just don’t know how.” “Look tour kicks off next week you never know she might make an appearance” said “You know she loves the shows, she can’t stay away forever.”

Returning to her desk tried to get back into her work, but worry swept over her that something was wrong with her. Just that morning she had noticed that her clothes were becoming tighter, but her eating habits hadn’t changed, she couldn’t understand how the weight had been added on. Feeling worse than she did before lunch looked at the clock, 1 pm it read. “Four more hours” she mumbled.

Knowing she wouldn’t work productively she decided to leave early, asking one of her colleges to cover for her. Collecting her things she left the building returning to her quiet, lonely apartment. How she wished she had her best friend right now, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok, to take care of her until she was feeling better.

***************

Chapter 8

groaned as she threw her legs over the side of the bed, running for the bathroom, kneeling down on the floor as she was once again sick. Leaning back against the bathtub she sighed, she’d been running for the bathroom for the last three hours. “Doctor” she told herself. Pulling herself from the floor she found the phone book, picking up the phone she dialed the doctor’s office scheduling an appointment for that afternoon before calling in sick to work.

woke in the guest room once again, he couldn’t sleep in the bed where they had made love, not without her next to him, it was wrong lying next to , to a woman he didn’t love and had no desire for. crawled from bed, walking to his bedroom finding his wallet lying open on the dresser and awake a piece of paper in her hands.

“What are you reading?” asked .

“Seems it’s a love note” she said turning to look at him, a glare on her face.

“Give it back” snapped snatching it from her hands.

“I can’t believe you slept with her!” shouted . “You love her don’t you!”

“Yes!” shouted . “I love her more than anyone else I’ve ever loved, including you!” his words were harsh, but they were true.

glared at him, her temper rising, a full out war was brewing.

held his gaze firmly with his girlfriend, soon to be ex in his mind.

“This… our relationship…us, it’s not working.” He said. “We’re not what we once were all we do is fight, there’s no chemistry there anymore.” His voice was calmer, but firm.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she fumed.

“It’s the best solution and you know it” said his voice growing louder once again, he didn’t need this from her right now, he didn’t need a fight.

“There’s no chemistry because you don’t try!” she shouted standing throwing her arms in the air.

“There’s nothing to try for anymore. The fire no longer burns for you. I’m breaking up with you because I need a new start in life and you’re not part of it. Just pack your things and leave” he sighed leaving the room.

At two that afternoon arrived at the small doctor’s office, she checked herself in before sitting down in one of the chairs, she tried to read a magazine, but failed. Tossing it back on the table her eyes wandered the room, the white walls decorated with informational posters, a small play area for small children and a fish tank for entertainment. “?” called the nurse interrupting ’s trance. Standing she smiled softly as she approached the older woman dressed in white pants with a blue jacket. followed her down the hall to a small room.

“Take a seat on the table please” said the nurse. did as she was asked. “What are your symptoms today?”

told her how she had been feeling for the past few weeks. The nurse nodded as she wrote on the chart placing the chart on the desk, she took ’s blood pressure and temperature. “The doctor will be in shortly” she said before slipping from the room, leaving alone with her thoughts once again.

heard the slam of the front door. Taking a deep breath he ventured to the hall, finding stood before him. “You really sure this is how you want it?” she asked bitter.

nodded “There’s no other way, I’m not happy.”

“Fine but I leave and I don’t come back.”

“Fine” said . “We can still be friends , still be civil to each other.”

“I don’t see that happening” glared. “Good luck hope you find what you’re looking for, but if you don’t I won’t be around to pick up the pieces.”

With those final words she grabbed her remaining bag, opening the door she stepped out slamming it behind her once again. let out a sigh of relief, phase one was over, he had decided who he truly wanted, now he needed to find the one he wanted. “I’ll find you babe” he whispered.

heard a soft knock on the door followed by it creaking open slowly as a man’s voice was heard from the other side. “Hello Miss. ” he smiled stepping into the room.

“Hello” smiled nodding her head.

“I’m Doctor Samuels” he smiled offering his hand, she reached her hand out to shake it. “I see you haven’t been feeling well for awhile now.” nodded. “Can you lie back?” he asked motioning to her.

lay back on the examine table watching as Doctor Samuels lifted her shirt, “Tell me if you feel any discomfort.” he said placing his hands on her stomach. Gently he pressed down on her tummy feeling for signs of what may be wrong. “Hmm…” he spoke. “I want to do scan of your stomach” he said turning towards a machine by the table. watched as he switched it on. “This is going to be cold” he warned spreading the cold gel along her tummy.

watched as he ran the machine across her stomach looking at pictures on the screen.

“Is everything ok?” she asked becoming worried.

“Everything is fine” he nodded.

“Then what’s wrong with me?” she asked.

“You’re pregnant. Congratulations” he smiled handing her a towel.

sat silent and in shock. She was pregnant? A whole new wave of panic sunk in. How was she going to raise a child on her own? How would she provide for another person, she just made it by on what she earned now. A lump formed in her throat as she fought back her tears. “Er…how far am I?” she asked in a shaky voice.

“Almost three months” he smiled “I’m sure the father will be pleased. This is usually when expecting mums discover that they’re expecting” he explained still smiling.

hung her head. she thought. How would he react to her carrying his child? Would he want anything to do with her or the baby?

Leaving the doctor’s office decided as on a walk through the park, a chance to clear her head. She sat watching the people, the families and children playing and laughing together. placed her hands on her stomach a small smile creeping across her face one special moment with and now she was pregnant, expecting his child. Something that was apart of him and her. “At least I’ll always have a part of you with me” she thought.

Seeing the sky growing darker as the sun began to set returned home, slumping down on the couch she debated calling , she needed someone to talk to about what was happening, wasn’t an option, not now that he had , she didn’t even know how to tell about her news or if she would.

jumped as she heard the phone ringing, standing from the couch she walked to the hall table to answer it. “Hello?” she asked, but was greeted with silence. sat silent on the other end it had been too long since she had last talked to her friend, she missed her.

“Hello?” asked again feeling annoyed.

“” whispered.

“ is that you?” asked concerned.

“Yeah it’s me.” replied as she fought back her tears, but she could feel her voice betraying her coming out shaky and croaky.

“Are you ok? Where are you? What’s wrong?” asked her head all over the place as she threw the questions at her friend, she’d been worried about her since the day she found her apartment empty and the letter on the table.

“I’m ok” sighed . “If I tell you where I’m at you have to promise not to tell or the lads.”

“Promise” nodded .

“I mean it , I don’t want them coming and dragging me home.” warned.

“I promise now tell me where you are!” cried out frustrated.

“I’m in London” informed cautiously.

“Not far from home then” smiled . “How are you? Is everything ok? You sound sad.”

“I’ve been better” laughed lightly. “But I’m hanging in there.”

“What’s wrong?” asked hearing the sadness in her friend’s voice.

“How’s ?” asked changing the subject.

“He’s doing ok, sounds like you do. I think he’s hit boiling point with .”

“So they’re still together?” asked .

“For now” sighed “But I sense it won’t last much longer.” She paused. “He misses you hun, he’s changed since you left, you need to come home.”

“I can’t” sighed feeling the tears stinging her eyes.

“Why not?” asked . “ has been paying rent at your place, hoping that you’ll come home. He’s broken without you hun, you’re his best friend and now he’s got no one.”

“Well it’s the same for me” replied a tear trickling down her cheek, how she wished she was home being comforted by him, sharing in the news as a happy couple, not as a single mum to be. “ I have to tell you something.”

“Ok, what is it?”

“I haven’t been feeling well the last few weeks and well…”

“Are you sick?” asked interrupting .

“No…I’m pregnant” cried.

sat silent, taking in the news as she listened to her friend sobbing her heart out on the other end of the line. “Are you going to tell ?”

“I don’t know…I don’t know if I can or even how.”

“You have to , he deserves to know he’s going to be a daddy and your baby deserves a daddy.”

“I’ll think about it” whispered . Giving her number she said her goodbye promising to call soon.

***************

Chapter 9

and the lads had arrived in London for the new tour. Promotion had been huge with posters, videos and interviews. The first show was approaching quickly and the guys were pumped. still hadn’t heard from , but hadn’t given up hope that she’d call or show up, was right about one thing she always came back to him, no matter what.

“Hey guys let’s hit the town today” suggested “We’ve got the whole day off.”

“Yeah sure I’m up for it” said

“Count me in” said .

“What about you , you coming out with us?” asked.

“Sure what else have I got to do” he shrugged his shoulders.

stood before the bedroom mirror examining her changing body. Her clothes weren’t fitting anymore she’d had to go out and buy new pants and now her shirts were getting too small as well. She turned to the side, hands resting on her stomach, she could see the bump forming showing off the miracle growing inside of her. “I bet you’ll have your daddy’s eyes” she smiled stroking her stomach. “And his smile” she sighed dreamily as she remembered everything she loved about .

Those gorgeous blue eyes, his heart melting smile that brought any woman to her knees and his soft blond locks, perfect for running your fingers through. She felt her heart beat rise thinking about , he was the only one that caused her to have such strong feelings for a man, even when he wasn’t in the room. Deciding she wasn’t going to sit home and feel sorry for herself, grabbed her bag and keys, heading into town for some retail therapy and a bit of window shopping, after all she needed to prepare for a baby.

The guys wandered the streets of London, stopping in the shops and looking in the windows as the people passed by going about their daily lives. spent his time watching the faces pass, hoping that he’d get lucky and find her walking the streets, he knew it was a shot in the dark, but it was a place to start.

“Hey, let’s get something to eat” suggested “I’m starved!”

“You’re always starved ” chuckled digging him in the ribs.

“Hey, I’m a growing boy, I’ve got to keep my strength up” he smiled.

“Yeah, more like your stomach is growing” laughed patting ’s stomach.

“Come on , let’s get something to eat. You guys coming?” asked looking at and Nicky.

“I’m not hungry” said “I just want to look around the shops.”

“I’m good” said . “I’ll keep you company .”

“Alright so meet back here in an hour?” asked looking at guys, who nodded.

and headed off in one direction in search of something to eat, while and continued down the street in silence. continued to watch the faces while observed him.

“You’re looking for her.”

“Is it that obvious?” asked .

“You think she’s here?” asked .

“I don’t know” sighed “But it’s a place to start, she always loved visiting London on tour, it’d be familiar to her.”

decided to take a break from her window shopping, her feet were killing her and hunger pangs had set in. Coming across a cozy café she stepped inside ordering herself a sandwich and drink before finding a table to sit at. She decided on one by the window where she could watch the people pass along the street while she ate and relaxed.

“This place looks nice” said as he stopped in front of the small café. looked the place up and down.

“Alright, sounds good to me” he said pushing through the door.

They stood looking over the menu behind the counter, discussing with each other what they were going to order. ’s ears perked up hearing the Irish accent. “It couldn’t be” she said to herself.

Carefully she turned her head towards the counter seeing two familiar faces. “Oh no” she said slipping further down in her seat, hoping not to be noticed. ordered his meal, then stepped aside for , his eyes scanning the place for a table to sit at, he looked towards the window his eyes falling on a young woman, he looked her up and down, smiling to himself as he recognized the figure.

“ we’ve just hit the jackpot” he chuckled turning to face his friend. gave him a confused look.

“What are you playing at ?” he asked.

“Third table by the window” said .

looked towards the window, recognizing the figure right away, he gave a nod as they made their way towards the table. “Is this seat taken?” asked as he stood by the table.

“Depends on who’s asking” she replied.

“Just old friends” smiled his voice, warm and friendly.

nodded motioning for them to join her. “Hi , ” she smiled.

“So this is where you’re hiding” said pulling up a chair.

nodded as she played with her fingers. “It’s a small world” chuckled . “Bet you never thought you’d run into us here.” shook her head as she smiled lightly.

“Nope, thought the town was big enough. What are you guys doing here anyways? Where’s and ?”

“They went off on their own.” Said .

Tour starts tomorrow night” said . “You should stop by and see the show, we’d love to have you there.”

“I don’t think so guys.” said hanging her head, she couldn’t face , not now.

“Look we know what happened” said placing a gentle hand on hers. “ told us, he misses you babe, he’s a total mess without you, all he does is mope around.”

“He broke up with ” said .

felt a glimmer of hope as she heard those words. “Why?” she asked.

“I think you know the answer to that” winked .

“It’s obvious” smiled .

The three friends ate their lunch together, the boys catching up on the past three months. She felt horrible for leaving the way she had, but she felt she had no other choice at that moment in time. Looking at his watch sighed “We’ve got to meet and soon.” nodded.

“I understand, it was nice seeing you guys.” She smiled standing from the table. “Please don’t tell you saw me.” She pleaded.

leaned over to hug her, pulling her close he noticed that she felt different. Holding her at arms length he scanned her from head to toe, just noticing the bump that was forming. quickly placed her arms around her stomach.

“I think they can wait” he said giving a look. turned away from him, as she sat back on her seat. “It’s ’s isn’t it” pushed .

nodded her head as the tears began to fall. “Please you can’t tell him” she begged. and exchanged glances.

“He has a right to know babe” soothed . “You can’t hide from him forever.”

“I can try” whispered .

“We won’t tell him” said . “But you need to, we’re in town for a week stop by and see us, if not for or yourself do it for the baby.”

“I’ll think about it” said .

“You still got our numbers?” asked . nodded. “Call if you need anything, would love to see you, just to know you’re ok.”

and hugged goodbye, promising to keep her secret but urging her to tell once again. Watching them leave collected her things, heading back to her apartment to think about what had just happened.

***************